sockablock:

Hello and welcome to this week’s installment of Jay’s Dumb D&D Items:

The Staff of Insect Plague: a gnarled wooden staff standing at 6 feet tall, topped with a smooth green stone. It can be used once per day to summon a swarm of butterflies that engulf a 20-ft cube. No damage dealt—but it is quite pretty.

The Pocket of Holding: a small pocket that can be sewn into any article of clothing. Holds up to 80 pounds of whatever will fit through the opening.

The Feather of Heavy Fall: though light as a feather to its holder, the object itself weighs as much as a kilogram of steel. It will also double your own weight, so try not to trip or walk off a cliff without noticing, because you’ll be taking 2x damage from any fall. 

A Hunk of Coal: a hunk of coal that gives a off a faint magical aura. You’re sure it has some kind of arcane properties. That’s what Detect Magic says, right? So it must, right?

Wit for Dummies: you’ve heard of Sparring and you’ve heard of Magic, now introducing Wit for Dummies! Once per day, this small leather-bound book will allow any non-bard to cast either Vicious Mockery or Cutting Words. 

Kitty Biscuits: a metal tin of 12 small biscuits. If fed to a cat/cat-like creature, it will grant advantage on animal handling checks (or persuasion checks) for 10 minutes. Also, will inexplicably attract all felines towards you in a 30-ft radius.

And one from the lovely @mochagabe:

The Ring of Purification and Refreshment: instantly turns any beverage the wearer holds into sparkling water (including but not limited to: beer, still water, poison, healing potions)

tyrannosaurus-rex:

mineyoung-churyuu:

hubriscomplex:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

8ddict:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

captainlordauditor:

some iconic dialogue that sounds like its from the great canon of literature but are actually from memes

  1. I will face God and walk backwards into Hell
  2. “I’ll do whatever you want” “then perish”
  3. I have been through hell and come out singing

feel free to add more!

  • There are no gods here
  • Do I look like the kind of man who dies
  • God’s dead and soon we will be too
  • I thought there were no heroes left in this world 

• you kneel before my throne unaware that it was built on lies

  • Impudent of you to assume I will meet a mortal end
  • This is hell’s territory and I am beholden to no gods
  • Bury me shallow, I’ll be back

– take this gift, for the gods surely won’t

  • God wishes he were me
  • One day, you will be face to face with whatever saw fit to let you exist in the universe, and you will have to justify the space you’ve filled

Violence for Violence is the Rule of Beasts