highmachinegun:

waltersandmurdock:

bemusedlybespectacled:

Shrek makes infinitely more sense if you ascribe to the theory that everyone is a PC in an RPG, and Donkey’s player managed to avoid a boss battle by rolling a nat 20 to seduce the fucking dragon

“I want to be a half-ogre.”

“What? You can’t. They’ve seen your picture, and you’re a human.”

“The ogre half is at night.”

“Ok, now it’s time for the boss fight against Farquaad.”

“I have my dragon girlfriend eat Farquaad.”

“…you what?”

“I have my dragon girlfriend-”

“No, no, I heard you the first time. Look, I’m gonna roll a d20 and if it’s a 20 then the dragon will eat Farquaad.”
-dice sounds-

*pinches the bridge of his nose* “Ok, so the boss is fucking dead now.”

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